15 Things Women Think When They First See Your Pe*nis

Not only are they great fun and the thing that ensures the survival of the human race but they can also act as a constant source of fascination for anyone who doesn’t have one.

Size, girth, shape, direction and colour – there really is no end to the variety willies can provide.

So if you’ve ever wondered what’s going on in our heads when you strip off, it’s time to find out.

Here’s 17 things women think when they first see your pe.nis.

1. Your size

Yes! It’s big… Oh god, it’s big.

Man, that’s tiny… thank heaven’s it’s small.

Contrary to popular belief not all women prefer a saveloy to a chipolota.

So while we’ll all subconsciously register the size of your dick, you can’t predict what the reaction to your pe.nis will be.

Which is a good thing.

2. You don’t look like your willy

Think you can tell what a man’s dick will look like by his height, shoe size or palm width?

Think again. Body type doesn’t always correlate with willy size.

Which can mean pleasant surprises all round.

3. Pencil dicks

Just as size can vary from man to man so, too, can girth – *massively*.

Long and thin or thick and chunky, there really is something for everyone.

4. So *that’s* why they call it a grower

One of the most surprising thing about willies – their ability to transform in size so dramatically.

Quite miraculous (and welcome).

5. It’s so… purple

Yeah, yeah, we get it – it’s the blood flowing to your willy which makes it hard.

But really, it’s just so *dark*

6. It reminds us of something else

Regardless of its size, your willy will often entertain us with it’s ability to look so like things other than a pe.nis.

Gonzo’s nose, a Smurf house, mushrooms, aubergines.

Hours of fun.

7. It’s been ‘done’

Cultural tradition, religious beliefs, hygiene reasons?

Se.x? Hell no, you’re circumcised, we want to put a brew on and get the back story.

8. It has a mind of its own

Your pe.nis can move on its own when it’s hard… who’d have known!

*Giggles*

9. It can get hard when you’re asleep

See above.

Mind. Of. Its. Own.

10. It bends forward

Or left, or right, or down.

Which can mean epic G-spot fun.

11. That your balls swing low

Or are huge, tiny or totally different sizes. There is *so* much more to willies than willies.

12. It’s hot

Literally.

Your willy is regulated by your autonomic nervous system which regulates heart rate and blood pressure – so, just like you get hot at the gym, when your pe.nis knows it’s in-line for a work out the same thing happens.

They don’t call it hot and horny for nothing.

13. It get’s *so* small when it’s cold

Which even you find funny.

14. Pre-come

Can surprise us.

In a good way. Natch.

15. Your pubes

Are out of control (we’d rather wait until we get to the bathroom to floss, thank you) or hairless.

Urgg. Turkey neck.

That is all.

16. It’ll give us chin rash

Because you shaved your pubes two days ago and now it’s stubbly.

Which is categorically not conducive to fun se.x or long-lasting blow jobs.

17. It’s a great stress ball

Jokes.